brendan halpin

I am not doing the 31 Horror Movies in 31 Days challenge because I don’t need that kind of pressure, but I am doing my best to watch as many horror movies in October as I can!

Here are the ones I’ve watched so far. All are new to me, but most aren’t new.

Pabrik Gula (aka Sugar Mill)—I like watching horror movies from other countries because a)it makes me feel like part of a worldwide community of weirdos and b) they tend to have different tropes and obsessions than American horror movies. This movie, about a bunch of friends from a town in rural Java (I’m not familiar with Indonesia, so maybe that’s the only kind of Java?) who sign up for seasonal work at a sugar mill that turns out to be haunted, is pretty good for most of the movie but ultimately fell short for me. The ghosts are creepy, there’s a lot of suspense, and (mild spoiler) the character who is dumb, fat, and horny (and also darker skinned than anyone else—I also don’t know if colorism is a thing in Indonesia, but based on this movie I suspect it is) not only isn’t the first to die—he doesn’t die at all! There’s a lot of stuff about dispelling demons in an Islamic context which is interesting to me because it’s all very different than how it’s portrayed in a Christian context. But unfortunately from my perspective, the movie isn’t concerned with the morality of the factory owners who ran a place where a lot of people died (hence the ghosts), but rather with the sexual morality of the workers. So like a pretty decent horror movie that kind of turns into a Davey and Goliath episode at the end, if Davey and Goliath talked about adultery. (I dunno—maybe they did. I couldn’t stand that show.)

Halloween III: Season of the Witch—Current conventional wisdom is that this movie is good, actually, and just never got a fair shake from a public that was expecting another Michael Meyers story. I’m sorry to report this is not true. I mean, look, it’s goofy and therefore kind of charming if you find goofy 80’s horror charming, but it’s not actually good. There’s just way too much going on: the human-passing killbots are like, not even central to the plot, just to give you an idea of how busy this movie is. The rest is science fiction witchcraft plus a non-credible age-inappropriate relationship and a heaping dose of misogyny. (Because our alcoholic hero’s stupid ex just wants to complain about what a shit father he is instead of listening to his insane story about killer masks!). Watchable, but VERY far from essential.

The Blade Cuts Deeper—You know what I appreciate? When someone makes a subgenre movie without constantly winking at us about how familiar they are with the conventions of said subgenre. In this case, we’ve got a modern giallo set in the world of reality television. It differs from classic giallo in that it’s not dubbed and everyone can act, but otherwise it’s just a straightforward giallo movie. It seems to be trying to satirize true crime TV in a way that never totally hits, but still, it’s suspenseful and gory and has a cool surprise ending. And best of all, the filmmakers appear to have decided to just make a giallo instead of a giallo ABOUT giallo. So the movie is about what it’s about rather than being about the cleverness of the filmmakers. This was my favorite of the 4.

Solvent—I remain a sucker for found footage because it strips away one layer of artifice and makes it easier for me to suspend disbelief. And the description of this one made it sound like it was fully a “cursed object” movie, which is right up my alley, but that’s really not what it is. Let me say the first 20 minutes or so are really really good. And after that it kind of goes off the rails, ultimately resolving into what’s primarily a body horror movie, which is my least favorite subgenre. So I guess if you like body horror, you might like this one, though it is self-consciously artsy and the POV character is, judging only by his voice, the worst actor in the movie. Oh yeah, also? There’s a big moment at the end that features sub-Sharknado level CGI. Seriously, it looks like absolute garbage and is unintentionally comical. I can’t believe they saw this shot and went, “yeah, that’s good.” Okay. Spoilers! Turn back now or forever have a mediocre horror movie spoiled!

So, like, the central conceit of this movie is essentially incomprehensible. The nazi guy found a way to liquefy himself and saved bottles of his pee because reasons, and now he lives as a puddle of goo in a hole in the ground with a pipe in it because reasons, and then our protagonist gets possessed and obsessive and starts spewing black goo from every orifice. Oh yeah, and inexplicably feeding the nazi puddle of goo with his own pee. I have never seen a movie so obsessed with urine. I’m not here to kink shame, but I guess I just don’t find pee as interesting as the filmmakers do. Fair play for the dick horror, though—I feel like women are often the targets of body horror, and slasher horror, and, okay a lot of kinds of horror, so I guess it was time for us to see a penis leaking black goo.

The protagonist apparently committed war crimes in Bosnia, but the movie really stops short of exploring the connection between his war crimes and the nazi puddle of goo’s war crimes, ultimately insisting that the protagonist is better because he exposes a lot of present-day nazis. Oh yeah, it also equates criticism of the Israeli government—or indeed, any sympathy at all with the Palestinian people—with Nazism, which I’m sure Netanyahu appreciated, but I didn’t.

Happy Spooky Season to all who celebrate!

As I always do at this time of year, I’m thinking a lot about horror movies, and so I’ve decided to assemble a non-comprehensive list of horror movies I consider canonical.

What I mean by this is that these are the movies that everyone making horror has seen and that all other horror movies are therefore inspired by or reacting to in some way. Please note this is not a “best of” list. Nor do I intend it to be the end of anyone’s horror movie viewing. I see it more as a gateway drug. Once you’re acquainted with Argento, for example, you’ll probably want to check out Fulci and Bava. Or once you’ve seen Nosferatu, you might want to check out Vampyr and Haxan. Though Haxan sucks and is way too long. But you get the point. Ready? Here we go!

Three notable exclusions:

1. I haven’t included any Hammer movies, on the theory that the style and aesthetic have been incredibly influential, but not really any individual movie. Dracula A.D. 1972 is my favorite, but really any of the Christopher Lee/Peter Cushing Dracula movies will do.

2. Same with Vincent Price’s oeuvre. I’d recommend Masque of the Red Death as a representative of the Poe “adaptations,” (i.e., movies with the same title as Poe stories) and The Abominable Dr. Phibes as representative of the 70’s, and Comedy of Terrors for comedy, but while Price is a horror icon, I don’t think any of his individual movies qualify as canonical.

3. Jason’s not in the first Friday the 13th, so it’s obviously not that one. So, like, one of the other ones, I guess. They’re mostly the same until he goes to space or fights Freddy.

Content warning: yeah, it’s horror, but in addition to violence and death, you may encounter misogyny, racism, and homophobia in a lot of these movies. I’m not excusing them or making a judgment about whether those elements ruin the movie, as your mileage will vary on that stuff.

Nosferatu (1922)

Dracula (1931)

Frankenstein (1931)

Freaks (1932)

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Cat People (1942)

Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)—Horror comedy starts here. Watch and marvel at how many movies and Scooby-Doo episodes were influenced by this movie.

Creature From the Black Lagoon (1954)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957)—an objectively terrible movie, and therefore the spiritual ancestor of all the bad DIY horror movies we know and love.

Psycho (1960)

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

The Birds (1963)

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)—Please pirate this or buy it used on physical media if you want to watch. It was directed by a child rapist who is unfortunately still alive and will financially benefit from any legitimate purchase of his work. Great movie, tho.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

The Night Stalker (1972)

The Exorcist (1973)—I don’t believe in Satan and therefore never found this movie as scary as everybody else did, and I find the head spinning and the puking comical. Nevertheless—can’t deny that it’s hugely influential.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Black Christmas (1974)—Fun fact: Elvis loved this movie and watched it at Christmastime every year from the time it came out till his death! So three times. But still!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Deep Red, aka Profondo Rosso (1975)

Trilogy of Terror (1975)—really just the doll segment with Karen Black, but that’s iconic enough to merit inclusion.

Carrie (1976)

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Suspiria (1977)

Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Halloween (1978)—I’ve said this before, but in my opinion this is a perfect movie. Not one wasted frame.

Alien (1979)

Phantasm (1979)—kinda weird, but people love it for some reason. I’m not one of them, but I have to admit it’s not like everything else.

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)—filmmakers were literally arrested and held until they could prove that the gore gags weren’t real. There is significant animal cruelty in this movie, but it’s one of the sharpest, nastiest indictments of colonialism I’ve ever seen.

The Shining (1980)—I don’t think Jack Nicolson can actually act. He does the same thing in every movie. Including this one. Still there’s some good suspense and iconic visuals.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)—Okay, I actually hate this movie, and I believe The Howling, released the same year, is a much better werewolf movie. But this is the one people remember.

The Evil Dead (1981)

Poltergeist (1982)

The Thing (1982)

Children of the Corn (1984)

Gremlins (1984)

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)—Only two of the sequels are worth watching, imo: 3: the Dream Warriors and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.

Fright Night (1985)

Re-Animator (1985)

The Fly (1986)

Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987)—Probably my favorite movie. Like a 3 Stooges movie but with only one stooge and some demons that swallow people’s souls.

Hellraiser (1987)—The whole movie looks murky and sounds like shit and I can’t say I fully understand it even after 2 viewings, but, again, iconic visuals.

The Lost Boys (1987)

Near Dark (1987)

Child’s Play (1988)

Tremors (1990)

Troll 2 (1990)—see Plan 9 From Outer Space, above. Just a wonderfully terrible movie.

Candyman (1992)

Scream (1996)

The Blair Witch Project (1999)—not the first found footage movie, but certainly the most influential.

Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost (1999)—the best Scooby-Doo movie. Plays with the formula in delightful fashion, has numerous quotable lines, and introduces fan favorites The Hex Girls.

Here’s a copy of the letter I sent to Maura Healey, Michelle Wu, and my state senator and state rep. We are in for a deadly winter in New England if our state and local governments don’t start planning for an entirely foreseeable crisis.

I’m writing with an urgent concern for the upcoming winter. As I write this, the average price of heating oil among the companies I’ve checked is between $5.50 and $5.75 per gallon. This is about $1.50 more per gallon than I’ve ever seen before.

I’m aware that the price hikes are tied to the war in Iran, which is not a local issue. What is a local issue, though, is that these prices will almost certainly result in deaths this winter.

That may sound hyperbolic, but I don’t believe it is. Many people in old homes, especially those on fixed incomes, cannot come up with an extra $300 every time they have to refill their oil tank. I’m afraid that people will either freeze in their homes or die when space heaters start fires or perhaps from carbon monoxide poisoning from trying to start a fire in a long-disused and possibly-unsafe fireplace.

As I said, I know nobody at the local level is to blame for this situation. But we now find ourselves in a situation where our neighbors are at risk of dying this winter, and I believe we have a responsibility to prevent that outcome.

I don’t have a specific policy recommendation, but I would really like to see our elected officials talking about this and making plans before this entirely foreseeable emergency unfolds. I’m certainly hoping for a mild winter, but we need to be doing more.

Thanks for your attention to this critically important matter.