So they remade "We Are the World." Now, some folks will suggest this is some kind of desecration of a sacred text. But the original was horrible. It is the worst of the big 3 benefit songs of the 80's. Its lyrics are banal and syrupy--absolutely the worst kind of pap pop music has to offer. Prince was reviled at the time for not taking part, but he contributed a song, "4 The Tears in Your Eyes," to the album, and it's actually really good. Springsteen's cover of "Trapped" also appears on the We Are the World album, and it's also excellent. It has to be one of the only albums where the filler is better than the hit single.
But anyway, let's look at the hits and misses of the new version.
Let's get the two biggest misses out of the way to begin with. Biggest miss number 1: including Michael Jackson's vocals on the new versions. Yes, we have long had the techology for almost anyone to record with the dead. I don't think it's morally wrong or anything--it's just creepy as shit. Also it taints this project as a weird sort of Michael Jackson tribute, making it more about him than about Haiti. (The original was the same way--that project was famous for the "check your egos at the door" sign at the recording studio, but only one performer is filmed by himself in the video, and he's also the only one in full performance costume. This was definitely always about Michael Jackson's creepy messiah complex, so perhaps it's only fitting that the new version carries on the unseemly tradition.
Biggest miss number 2: the talent pool. Hard to do this without sounding like a cranky old man, but here goes: the only thing that makes the original We Are the World bearable, especially in video form, is the presence of so many titans of popular music. Ray Charles, Tina Turner, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon,Diana Ross, Willie Nelson, and even Lindsey Buckingham--these were all people who had remarkable achievements under their belts. (Lindsey Buckingham wrote all the best songs on what was, up until Thriller, the biggest selling album of all time. So there.) Yeah, Kim Carnes, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper and John Oates were all there, too, but this new version has a lot more Huey Lewises. Apart from Janet Jackson, Barbra Streisand, Snoop Dogg, Tony Bennett and L.L. Cool J, this version is pretty much all pop stars of the moment and nobody with any history. (Well, Gladys Knight and Brian Wilson are there too, but they get exactly as much to do as Jeff Bridges.) And let's face it, even the big names in this one are lightweights compared to the ones in the original. Maybe we'll all be talking about Nick Jonas and Pink and Lil Wayne in 25 years, or maybe they'll be the Kim Carneses of 2035. The presence of all those people in the original gave that horrible song an illusion of weight and depth that the new one can't match.
Lesser misses:
The original has people singing "our world, our children" behind the incessant choruses. The new one says, "our world, God's children." The "our children" part is one of the only things I like about the original because it implies that we all have some responsibility for each other. This one passes the buck on to God, which is a nice way to avoid doing anything yourself.
Jamie Foxx imitating Ray Charles. Tacky. Not as tacky as dubbing a dead guy's vocals in, but just tacky.
Hits:
The rap. Ignoring rap entirely was a terrible failure of the original--funny to believe now that rap is as tame, safe, and predictable now as any other kind of pop music, but when the original came out, rap was still considered too dangerous and scary to include in a project like this. (But not in Little Steven's "Sun City." While Michael and Lionel were snubbing rap, Little Steven had Afrika Bambatta, Run-DMC, and Now, admittedly, it's not much of a rap in this song, but rap is mainstream pop music and certainly deserves a place at the table here.
Wyclef singing in Haitian throughout. The English parts are still treacly and awful, but you rarely hear anyone singing in Haitian on pop radio, so this is at least a cool change, even if he's just singing the same pap in a different language. I really like the way the song ends with him chanting "Haiti."
Jeff Bridges subbing for Dan Ackroyd in the "What the Hell's That Guy Doing There?" role.
The verdict: I recommend everyone disconnect their charitable giving from celebrity vanity projects.
In the meantime, here's Little Steven, Joey Ramone, Peter Garrett, Peter Wolf, Bruce Springsteen, Miles Davis, George Clinton, Run-DMC, Afrika Bambatta, Pete Townshend, Bono, Lou Reed, David Ruffin and Eddie Kendrick, Bob Dylan, Hall and Oates, and somewhere, buried in the mix, even Stiv Bator, with the only completely suck-free celebrity benefit song ever:
