Many years ago, in a dark basement in Philadelphia, I staggered into the dorm lounge (yes, it was in the basement, and, appropriately, there was a Dig Dug game there) at about 1 in the morning. This was when one of my favorite shows of the 80's, Saturday Night Dead, came on.
Saturday Night Dead featured an over-the-top female host in the Elvira mode who performed really corny skits featuring various monsters and ghouls. Her name was Stella ("The maneater from Manyunk"), and she would introduce commercials that were occasionally interrupted by a few minutes of an almost unbearably bad horror movie.
So there, already watching Saturday Night Dead, was Seamus Cooper. Over the course of many horrible movies. We became friends, though we fell out of touch after graduation, only to reconnect after "I saw your picture in People Magazine at the doctor's office." (Yeah, sure. It's amazing how many people just happen to have seen People at the doctor's office).
Last summer, I praised Seamus' debut novel, The Mall of Cthulhu, thinking it was on the verge of publication. Nearly a year later, it's still supposedly on the verge of publication, and rather than running my rave review again, I thought I'd interview him. Since Seamus is somewhat of a misanthrope (moreso even than myself), he doesn't maintain a web page, blog, twitter account, facebook, anything, so this may be your only glimpse of him online.
I called Seamus the other night. Here are the cleaner parts of our conversation.
BH: So what's the story with Mall of Cthulhu? Will it ever see the light of day?
SC: I only know what I read on the Nightshade website. Like most of the hot RISD students who come into my shop, they don't talk to me.
BH: Do you think that your book is being suppressed by a cabal of Cthulhu cultists determined to keep the true nature of their organization secret?
SC: Um, no. I think it's a hard time for publishing, and small publishers are having an especially hard time. If you look at their website, a lot of books are delayed. At least they've got my cover up now.
BH:Why are you an online recluse? Are you trying to build a mystique?
SC: (laughs). No, I'm just busy. I've got stuff to do. And I'm not as much of an egotist as you are. I'm not going to send out updates every time I take a crap. And nobody cares what I think about LOST or whatever. Pretty much everything I have to say that's worth hearing is in the book.
BH:But don't you think some of this social media stuff can help you reach an audience?
SC: I don't know. Does it help you?
BH:I have no idea.
SC: There you go. But I don't think people are interested in whether I cut five hundred words out of a first draft today, and I don't think people will want to read my books because they feel like they know me online. As you can vouch, I'm kind of an asshole! How is that a selling point?
BH:It seems to work for Harlan Ellison.
SC: (Laughs.) Good point. But he's such an asshole that it's entertaining. I don't think I'm that good at it yet.
BH: So Mall of Cthulhu is kind of a comic horror novel, or maybe a comic adventure novel with a horror background. Why did you do that instead of a straight horror novel?
SC: I just read the kind of thing I wanted to read. I wanted to read a fun story and I couldn't find any I hadn't already read, so I wrote one.
BH: Your take on the Cthulhu mythos is sort of tongue-in-cheek and irreverent. Are you worried that Lovecraft fans are going to be mad at you?
SC: I hope so. I hope they'll fill their blogs with venom about how much I suck. Assuming the book ever comes out, that would be good publicity. But I mean, look, I read all of Lovecraft probalby four or five times. There's obviously something special about his work. But a lot of the stuff is overwritten to an almost laughable degree, and the guy was an appalling racist! Talk about an asshole--nobody really mentions, oh, these stories are great except for the racism. I don't know how you can look at Lovecraft's work today without dealing with the racism.
BH: Well, so your audience for this book is people who are familiar with Lovecraft but don't revere him. That's got to be a pretty small group. I think maybe it's you and me.
SC: Well, you'll buy a bunch of copies, right?
BH: Like hell! I already read it! You'll be lucky if I buy one! How many copies of I Can See Clearly Now did you buy?
SC: You sent me a copy. Why would I buy it?
BH:Exactly. Which reminds me, what do you think about the whole ebook piracy issue?
SC: Well, it's not much of an issue for me. I'm more worried about actually getting my book out.
BH: But assuming it ever is published, how would you feel about people trading free electronic copies?
SC: Well, people are always going to want something for nothing, and there's really no way to prevent dishonest people from stealing. I mean, if you want to read the book for free, go to the library. At least I get paid once. And, your library looks like it's being used and gets a budget to maintain free access to books for everyone. If you're going to illegally trade free electronic copies of my book, you're a thieving douchebag. Which is fine, I mean, I can't stop you, I'm certainly not going to sue you or anything, but just don't run around talking about how information wants to be free, or you're only stealing because the evil publishing industry won't give you what you want the way you want it. If you are asked to pay for something and you take it for free, you're a thief. You're not some kind of freedom fighter.
BH: But Cory Doctorow says that for most writers, the problem isn't piracy, it's obscurity.
SC: Who the hell is Cory Doctorow? Is he related to the guy who wrote Ragtime?
BH: I don't think so. He's a science fiction writer and edits one of the most popular blogs on the internet.
SC: Why do you know shit like this?
BH: I kind of consider it a professional duty to stay on top of stuff that's--
SC: You just like to stay on top of what you think is cool because you think it makes you cool. Whereas I am totally uncool and totally fine with it.
BH: I'm in awe of your ideological purity. But what about piracy versus obscurity?
SC: Well, why can't they both be problems? I mean, I get the point--most books disappear without a trace and nobody reads them. But, I mean, at least for musicians maybe the people who steal the albums might pay for a concert ticket or a t-shirt or something. But writers don't have any other product.
BH: So what are you writing right now?
SC: None of your business.
BH:(laughs) Fair enough. When will your adoring public hear from you next?
SC: I guess when I accept whatever award they give out for best debut horror novel. Somebody must give out an award like that, right? The Edgars or something?
BH: Those are for mystery writers.
SC: I guess I'm screwed then. Back into my cave.
