--"I Can Haz Cheezeburger?" So people send in pictures of cats with dumb captions in some kind of strange English-based creole. Maybe you have to like cats to get this. And, given that there is no shortage of dogs in the world, why you would like cats is beyond me. Perhaps because they rarely strew garbage all over your house and crap on the floor during thunderstorms.
--Spencer, Heidi, and their ilk. Why the hell are these people on the cover of People or Us every other week? I mean, yeah, they're on a reality show, but who isn't? Seriously, if I was on a reality show (admittedly, the most boring reality show ever on a channel no one watches, but still), then surely everyone in America has been on a reality show, and it can't possibly be a qualification for stardom. As near as I can tell, these people are so vapid and dull they make Paris and Nicole look interesting. I mean, did all the real celebrities die when I wasn't looking or something?
--"Christian pop punk". Listening to Pandora the other day, I'd made a channel based on Cheap Trick's "Surrender", and it kicked out a song by Relient K. "Hey," thought I, "Sounds like a second-rate Fountains of Wayne! Wait, that guy's talking about sin like it's a bad thing! Are you sure this is a rock and roll song?" Well, I'm still not sure, but clicking on the band's name revealed that they are not the only
"Christian Pop Punk" outfit. My feeling is that anybody who writes a song with the line "Marilyn Manson Ate My Girlfriend" who doesn't intend it to be dirty has no business being a musician.
--Linkedin. I guess if you were looking for a job it would be okay, and I found a couple of my college roommates on it, but overall it's like myspace or facebook without the voyeurism/exhibitionism or time-wasting games. What the hell is the point?
--The thirty percent of Americans who think Bush is doing a good job. What do you imagine they think a bad presidency looks like?
--Sex and the City. But, you know, I'm male.
--Radiohead. So, okay, they put out a couple of "difficult" albums, so then people who are into them can feel superior to people who prefer their music listenable. I get how that kind of move gains you a small, dedicated cult following: Captain Beefheart and the Residents built careers on the same gambit, but how this move gains you a large, vociferous, and very annoying cult is mysterious to me.
--NASCAR. I know, this is the acid test of whether you are a cultural elitist or not, but I really do not understand this at all. The cars go around and around and around until they stop. You read fans talking about how the drivers are "wholesome" and "role models," which I strongly suspect is code for "white," so maybe that's it.
--Suffering. King Lear offers this take: "As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." That's a bit nihilistic for my taste, but, then again, nobody else has come up with an explanation that makes any sense at all.
