I don't want your blood money

I was driving down the street the other day, radio commercials playing in the background, when I suddenly slammed on the brakes.
"What the hell!" the other occupants of the minivan screamed in unison.
"Didn't you guys just hear that commercial for the touring production of Jesus Christ Superstar?"
They just looked at me with that, "oh, he's finally lost his marbles" look I get several times daily.
"No," somebody volunteered.
"It said, 'starring Corey Glover, the voice of Living Colour, as Judas!' "

"Okay, we're going to be late to the soccer game," My SSIGWJLAH wife said. "I saw Living Colour open for the Stones. They were awesome. They rocked."

"Yeah," I said. "I never saw them live, but I always kinda thought they were overrated. A lot of the lyrics are really pretty dumb, but not dumb in a Van Halen party rock way, dumb like people trying to be profound who can't quite pull it off. I mean, what the hell's up with invoking Gandhi in that Cult of Personality song? The guy brought about an essentially nonviolent revolution! That could have been a bloodbath that killed millions! Should he really be grouped with Mussolini and Stalin?"

"I think," the boy said, "the song is really just about the cult of personality and how it surrounds leaders both good and bad."

"And anyway," Daughter #1 said, "it's not like there's only that one album--"

"I personally think 'Glamour Boys' is homophobic," Daughter #2 said. "And 'Open Letter to a Landlord is inept and painfully earnest." I leaned back for the high five.

"To address your point about the other albums," I said, "I don't have Stain, but nobody bought that, because the band just wasn't the same without Muzz Skillings." We all had a good laugh, and then I continued. "But seriously. I had that second album, and I liked 'Type' and Queen Latifah's guest rap, but otherwise, it's a lot of unremarkable songs. And, frankly, I always found Vernon Reid's guitar playing cold and overly technical."

"So," my SSIGWJLAH wife continued, "All you've done is dis this band for five minutes. So why'd you put all our lives at risk just because Corey Glover is playing Judas in the touring production of Jesus Christ Superstar?"

"Did you hear what you just said?" I answered. "I mean, yes, I thought that band was overrated, but they used to be cool! now their lead singer is touring in an Andrew Lloyd Webber production! Could he be doing anything less cool?"

"I think he spent some time as a VH1 VJ," the boy offered.

"Point taken. But...I don't know. It just makes me feel old and uncool."

"Well, duh," the kids said. And I spent the next two days walking around the house singing, "must die, must die, this Jesus must die!"