Girl in a Cage

Stuff I Liked in 2007 Part 3

Movies!

Well, as usual, I didn't get out to many movies that didn't feature talking animals and such, though, to be fair, the kids are aging out of that kind of movie and have hit that awkward stage where they're too young for most adult movies, too old for most kids movies.

However, I did catch Meet The Robinsons with one or two of the kids (can't remember which ones). It was a really good, not incredibly formulaic time travel adventure that is still being unfairly derided in a bunch of end-of-year movie wrapups. I honestly don't get what people hated about this movie. I actually liked it better than Ratatouille, which made a lot of ten best lists. (And which was also good, but not, in my opinion, light years better than Meet The Robinsons).

We all enjoyed Mr. Bean's Holiday. Well, actually, I enjoyed it more than anybody else. Rowan Atkinson's inherently funny face, slapstick comedy, and a storyline that was sweet without being saccharine. I don't get why this wasn't a bigger hit. People always claim to want family films that don't suck, but then one comes along and few people go to see it.

I thought maybe Grindhouse was going to be the best movie ever until Death Proof started. Robert Rodriguez is fortunate that Planet Terror got de-linked from Tarantino's Folly for the DVD release. Don't know if both have the trailers or what, but Planet Terror plus the trailers is close to two hours of awesome movie entertainment. And Death Proof can languish on the shelves where it belongs.

The boy and I caught Transformers, and it was big and dumb and loud and too long and we both loved it. I said at the time that anyone who is now or who has ever been a ten year old boy should see this movie. I mean, sometimes you go to the movies for some kind of transcendent artistic experience (well, I don't, but some people do), and sometimes, like in the heat of the summer, you want to go and have a great time watching giant robots duke it out and stuff blowing up. It was top-notch summer fun.

My Lovely Wife and I managed to sneak away from the children (The dog's crate is surprisingly roomy! Who needs babysitters?) a couple of times and saw Knocked Up and Superbad. Both were hilarious and touching, but I'll give the edge to Superbad because it was funnier and because it had Michael Cera. Still, both movies were great.

Stuff I Liked in 2007 Part Two

Today, the books of 2007.

While yesterday I wasn't feeling arrogant enough to proclaim my favorite TV shows the Best of 2007, (A good thing too--I forgot both The White Rapper Show and Celebrity Fit Club! Forgive me, O VH1 reality producers!) today my arrogance is in full effect, as we'll see shortly, and I'm happy to proclaim my selections
The Best Books of 2007
After extensive consideration, I've concluded that only two books this year merit the title of Best Books of 2007.

1. Dear Catastrophe Waitress, by Brendan Halpin. Now, I'll admit this isn't normally the type of book I pick up, but the music angle hooked me. It's a love story about two people who had breakup songs written about them, but, more than that, it's about how two people damaged by life don't have to be miserable forever and can find love not in spite of the horrible things that have happened to them, but because of them. For all that, it's a fun, quick read. Another thing that really sets this novel apart from so many others is that the sex scene is actually hot instead of just cringe-inducing.

2. How Ya Like Me Now, by Brendan Halpin. What a remarkable year this guy had! Not only did he write the best novel for adults, he wrote the best novel for young adults too! It's the story of Eddie, a kid from the suburbs whose mom just went into rehab, going to live with his cousin Alex in the city. It's also a quick, fun read with pitch-perfect dialogue. What's really refreshing about this book is not just that it's entertaining, but that it's a book about urban kids that's neither Manhattan prep school shenanigans nor drive-by shootings. The vast majority of urban high school students are not drug dealers or thugs, and they spend most of their time thinking about what most high school students think about: who likes who. This is the only book I know of that tells the neglected story of regular kids in the city, and for that reason it's not just entertaining; it might just be important as well.

So there you have it, the Best Books of 2007. Honorable Mentions go to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which was fantastic, Charlie Huston's No Dominion, which was both the best crime novel and the best vampire novel of the year. I am currently reading China Mieville's Un Lun Dun, which is kicking my ass all over the place and will probably make the list, but I'm only about 2/3 of the way through it, so I can't give it a place on the list just yet.

Books not released in 2007 that I enjoyed in 2007 include Carolyn Parkhurst's Lost and Found, Scott Smith's The Ruins, Joe Meno's Hairstyles of the Damned, Phillip Pullman's The Ruby in the Smoke, Lisa Yee's Millicent Min Girl Genius, and probably some more I can't remember right now.

Stuff I Liked in 2007 Part One

It's the law that you have to do one of these things, and I want to make sure I'm in full compliance. I can't be bothered to rank anything, and I'm not feeling arrogant enough (today) to call the stuff I liked the Best Of, so here's some stuff I liked in 2007.

TV

The Closer. The Mary Tyler Moore Show with murders continues to be a great hour of TV.

Dirt: Courteney Cox as hardass editor and oodles of sordid goings on: celebs who leak their own sex tapes! Secretly gay action stars! Hardass editors stalked by their own brothers! Creepy dad pimping out his kids for cover shots on celebrity mags! Dead cheerleader discovered to have been pregnant by her minister father! O, the list goes on. A celebration of the seamy underbelly of Hollywood, and, I suppose, America. Can't wait to wallow in season 2.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The bastard child of Seinfeld and Arrested Development delivers more laughs per half hour than anything else on TV. Watch with glee as truly repulsive people do horrible things. The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby was probably the best episode, but they're all great.

Flight of the Conchords: Sad sack novelty musicians from New Zealand not really trying very hard to make it big in New York. It's difficult to explain what makes this show so funny and charming--is it the musical numbers? Possibly, as they provide the biggest laughs of the show. The supporting cast is great, the writing is top-notch--it's a delightful half hour of TV and single-handedly justified my adding HBO to the already exhorbitant TV bill.

Project Runway. I suppose in defense of my heterosexuality I should try to say that it's Heidi's teutonic dominatrix act that keeps me coming back. I do enjoy the teutonic dominatrix act, but I like the competition, the backbiting, rating the outfits, Michael Kors' fake tan, Nina Garcia's bitchiness, and the warmth and wit of Tim Gunn too.

Law and Order: Criminal Intent. The black sheep of the Law and Order family got sent back to the farm team: the USA network, and responded with better shows than they've had in years. They've dared to step outside their beloved formula and make better shows. They've finally given Eames something to do besides shake her head at Goren, Goren appears to be headed for a total breakdown, and Logan gets to play the seasoned older hand to his hot, hothead partner. I know it's kinda square--no Law and Order show is ever going to be cool in the way that It's Always Sunny is cool, but I really like this one.

Numb3rs. Oh how I hate that three in the name. Anyway, speaking of square, this FBI thriller is square as hell and I really like it. Rob Morrow gets to play tough and taciturn while his brother David Krumholtz helps the FBI with his math ability. Also Peter MacNicol is on hand as Charlie's incresingly out there mentor, Judd Hirsch is the dad, and the workplace family is full of likeable characters. I missed the first episode, so I didn't quite get how Colby is back on the job after ending last season arrested for being a spy for the Chinese, but I don't really care.

Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School. Yeah, it started as a goof for me, just watching to see trashy women with low self esteem fighting and making asses of themselves and getting reprimanded by Mo'Nique, (The episode where Brooke got kicked off for acting impossibly slutty and Mo'Nique held forth on the dangers of "that dark liquor" was classic), but it ended up being genuinely touching and kind of uplifiting. Go figure.

Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide-- The consistently funny, somewhat bizarre sitcom about middle school was among the best-written shows on TV and was certainly the best-acted show on Nickelodeon. It went out with a very funny, very satisfying final episode as middle school ends with a big field trip in which Ned loses his clothes and is mistaken for the subject of a famous painting, Cookie foils an art theft as his alter ego, the Steel Eagle, and Ned and Moze get together at last! I'm glad it was on Nickelodeon because I was forced to watch it by the kids and wouldn't have tuned in otherwise, but it's also kind of a shame it was on Nickelodeon, because this was one of the best comedies on TV and people who don't have kids ages 8-12 probably never heard of it.

I have to acknowledge the 24 episode of the Simpsons, which was the best episode they've done in years. The one with Kent Brockman getting fired was also really good. The new season, though, has been subpar. No, actually, it's been, as Comic Book Guy would say, the worst. season. ever.

Merry Christmas; Don't Be an Asshole.

Extensive viewing of Christmas specials and movies has revealed that they all fall into one of three categories, message-wise: 1.Explicitly religious. 2. Believe in Santa! Don't Think For Yourself! Obey! and 3.Don't Be an Asshole.

1. You might think that there would be a lot of shows and specials about how Christmas commemorates the birth of Jesus, but they are actually few and far between. Probably Rankin/Bass's Little Drummer Boy, though I don't really remember that one. But given the source material, it would be pretty hard to make it not religious. Other than that, you've got A Charlie Brown Christmas, in which, yes, there are funny dances and a tiny tree, but also Linus quoting scripture to define the meaning of Christmas. Maybe there are some Veggie Tales ones that are explicitly religious, but Born-Again vegetables give me the willies.

2.The most hateful of all potential morals of the Christmas movie or special. I suppose this starts with Miracle on 34th Street (Starring cute as a button Natalie Wood, before she grew up to be hot and self-destructive!), which is okay--I guess it starts with the idea that Santa is a symbol for the spirit of Christmas. But what you end up with are mean-spirited paeans to conformity like The Polar Express, in which a creepy, waxy-skinned CGI boy meets several versions of creepy, waxy-skinned CGI Tom Hanks and learns that he was wrong not to believe in Santa. Similarly, The Year Without a Santa Claus, in which Santa is a petulant little bitch who whines because nobody loves him, and Iggy, who is shown throughout to be a decent kid, is shown that he really should believe in Santa via a really horrible song that his dad sings. Also we learn that Mother Nature has two babydaddies and the weather is controlled by a couple of feuding guys with a penchant for musical theater, one of whom is literally flaming. Even Elf, which I kind of like because it's the best ripoff of Big ever made, (And because Ed Asner plays Santa--genius casting! He's bringing a bag full of democratic socialism this year!) ends up with this clap for Tinkerbell, you must believe in Santa garbage. Note that while adorable Zooey Deschanel leads the bystanders in "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," members of the crowd carry readable, recognizable Bloomingdale's bags. The message is clear--don't question the secular meaning of Christmas--show your spirit by shopping! (Though, of course, if there really was a Santa, nobody would have to shop.) I don't get why adults make these movies. Fear of their children learning to think for themselves, perhaps.

3. Chuck Dickens laid down the blueprint for the "Don't Be An Asshole" Christmas special in his classic A Christmas Carol. (I like the Muppet version. Also Scrooged is good. And the very special episode of WKRP where Mr. Carlson meets three ghosts, including Venus Flytrap as the ghost of Christmas past. Good times.) This is my favorite of the Christmas movie themes, because it's non-dogmatic. Believe whatever the hell you want, it seems to say, just don't be an asshole. I suppose we could call these the Unitarian Christmas specials. Anyway, besides A Christmas Carol, you've got It's a Wonderful Life, How The Grinch Stole Christmas (Chuck Jones' animated version--I've never seen the live-action atrocity and hope to never see it.)--I especially like How The Grinch Stole Christmas because it's revealed that there is no Santa! True!--The Grinch steals empty stockings along with the presents! If Santa were coming to Whoville, the Grinch would have been unable to steal Christmas!. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, despite taking place in the Santa mileiu, is actually a don't be an asshole story. I like this one because Santa himself is one of the assholes! The only Don't Be an Asshole story I don't care for is Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which is a Santa Origin story that reveals that Santa started delivering toys in order to defeat a humorless Jew. (Yeah, sure, Burgermeister Meisterburger isn't named as a Jew, but that accent--come on! He might as well be fryin' up a plate o' latkes!) Perhaps this one actually belongs to its own, fourth, and especially ugly genre: Don't Be An Asshole, Jew!

So there it is, my holiday special roundup, and to all my readers, I want to deliver the following holiday message from the bottom of my heart: don't be an asshole! (I'll try that too.)

Slacking.

Stuff I've been thinking but can't quite muster the attention to make a whole post about. I always hate it when the newspaper columnists do this, but hey, nobody's paying me to do this, so I'll slack if I want to.

Sweet Jesus but that Alvin and the Chipmunks movie looks horrible. Every time we see an ad on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel, the kids just shake their heads. I'm guessing Jason Lee signed up for this before My Name is Earl became a hit.

My Lovely Wife and I watched Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang the other night. What a great movie! Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic, and Val Kilmer is doing that charming wiseass thing he did so well in Top Secret and Real Genius and then forsook for some reason. I think it's probably pretty tough to pull off a noir comedy, but they did it. (well, I guess Tarantino tries, but I'm still mad at him about Death Proof.) It's not a parody, though. Probably the best noir movie I've seen since The Limey, which is also a fantastic movie but not really funny.

Looking through US Magazine the other day on the can (Jessica: tortured by regret!), I looked through the love lives of the stars feature and was pleased to see Neal Patrick Harris pictured with his boyfriend. I don't know why, but it seemed like a big step--this couple was just pictured on the page with all the other celebrity couples without any big hoopla. Cool.

Speaking of NPH, it strikes me that pretty much any high school drama club has more out gay actors than Hollywood. Besides NPH, you've got Alan Cumming, Rupert Everett (I think. I always get him confused with somebody else. Kind of like how I made two actors into Dylan McDermott Mulroney in my mind and now I can never tell them apart.), Ian McKellan, and...I'm done. I guess Kevin Spacey and Jodie Foster are kind of semi-out. Portia DeRossi and Ellen Degeneres. Uh...I mean, it's kind of weird, when you think about it. Seems like this most liberal industry is going to be one of the last places where people--well, men at least-- feel safe coming out.

I finished The Subtle Knife and have begun The Amber Spyglass, and I still feel like these novels are cold. I was unmoved by the deaths. I will probably plow through The Amber Spyglass out of sheer crankiness, but I don't know. I just want to like these books more than I actually do. I guess they just inspire more respect than love. At least for me.

I've stopped using images here because I'm a lazy bastard and also I felt bad about my, uh, unauthorized use of copyrighted works. It's not like I've gotten any cease and desist letters or anything, but since I make my living from copyright, it seems like bad karma to ignore somebody else's.

The Golden Compass

The Golden Compass opened yesterday. Reviews have been pretty positive, but I predict it's not going to be a hit.

This is not, mind you, because the Catholic Church has called for a boycott of the movie. I don't know how it's viewed elsewhere, but here in Massachusetts, the moral authority and political influence of the Catholic Church is pretty much in the toilet. (Full disclosure--many of my relatives and friends are practicing Catholics. I envy their faith and think they deserve a better church.) First there's the way the church hierarchy protected pedophiles, valuing its own power and prestige over the safety of children. And then the church attempted to mobilize its membership to fight a terrible social ill threatening Massachusetts. Homelessness? Nope! Poverty? Negative! Hunger? Wrong again! It was people who love each other getting married!

So, anyway, nobody's listening to those clowns on the whole moviegoing question. But I can see why the church is against this movie--it depicts a church who, in the name of protecting its own power and prestige, does unspeakable things to children! Hits a little close to home, I'll wager.

But, still, this isn't the reason the movie's not going to be a hit. I asked the kids if they wanted to see it. "Eh," they replied. They're usually pretty easily swayed by a marketing juggernaut such as the one behind this movie, so that portends a problem.

But the books (which I'm currently reading) are really masterpieces, an amazing tour de force of imagination and good writing. So why won't fans flock to the movie even if it's no good, like the first Harry Potter movie and the fifth Harry Potter movie?

Partially I think it's because the books are just too complex to translate well to the screen. I'm almost through the second one now, and I'm still not quite sure if Lord Asriel is doing a good thing or a bad thing. If he's doing a good thing, he did a very bad thing in order to accomplish it. So there aren't the clear good guys and bad guys that, say, Lord of the Rings has.

But even this isn't the reason the movie's not going to be a hit. It's not going to be a hit because, even though the books are more imaginative and better written than the Harry Potter books, they're just not loveable. They are fundamentally kind of cold. Whereas Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter take place in fantastic worlds, they're about human emotions: fear, courage, grief, friendship, etc. That's why people love these books in spite of Rowling's overuse of adverbs and Tolkein's insufferable Tom Bombadil.

His Dark Materials, while I admire the hell out of it, hasn't captured my heart the way the others have because it's about ideas rather than emotions. It's more brain, less heart, and it won't inspire the devotion that will get people to the theater to see an adaptation.

On The Global Warming Tip

Remember Poltergeist 2? Me neither, except for that creepy ass Living Theater guy-Julian somebody--gaunt and dying of cancer and playing some psychotic undead preacher from the past, if I remember correctly, and occasionally stopping by to bellow, "you're all gonna die!" at our heroes.

Well, I've had Julian Whosis in my brain recently vis a vis the whole global warming thing. As regular readers of my blog know, I've been fretting about global warming and trying to do some stuff that's relatively easy to reduce my carbon footprint. All fine and good--the compact flourescents really do cut the electric bill quite significantly, and the bushes outside my house enjoy the nutrition-rich compost--except for this.

I live near an entrance to Franklin Park (offical motto: The Part of The Emerald Necklace The City Started Neglecting When The Black Folks Moved In Next Door!). At said entrance, you can pull into a parking lot where your car is invisible to the road.

As you might imagine, this makes it a hotspot for people slacking when they should be working. Whenever I take my dog up there, I spot an assortment of School Bus drivers, police officers, Verizon and Comcast repairmen, and various other people in vans and trucks drinking coffee, reading the Boston Herald, and generally sticking it to the man by slacking when they should be working.

Now, I don't have a huge problem with this (except, you know, as a taxpayer, I hate to find cops napping, but oh well. Forest Hills Cemetery is another big police nap spot), except for this. Everybody sits in their cars, vans and buses reading the Herald and sipping coffee with their motors running. I'm not just talking about today, when it's twenty-five degrees out; I mean pretty much always, no matter what the temperature is. (Because I suppose if it's under 70 out, you need the heat, and if it's over 70, you need the air conditioning.) The school buses sometimes sit there idling for an hour.

So here I am with my stupid little compost bucket and my compact flourescents, and the slackers in the park are probably pumping more carbon into the air in a week than I'm saving in a year.

It just depresses me. People will not compromise their own comfort one bit for the greater good. God forbid when it's fifty-five degrees out you should take your illicit nap with the heat off. No matter what piddly little things I do, some moron with a full tank of gas, a schoolbus, and an hour to kill can pretty much render all my efforts irrelevant.

But what the hell, I live on a hill, so I'll probably have oceanfront property anyway. So why should I care? I'm off to buy some hundred watt bulbs, a Hummer, a leafblower, and a shitload of plastic bags!

It's Just a Movie

So I've recorded but not yet watched Tin Man, the Sci Fi Channel take on the Wizard of Oz. I was only mildy interested in it at first--I saw that it had Alan Cumming in it and thought I'd take a look. (Aside on Alan Cumming: Jesus, am I ever glad I didn't have to go through seventh grade with that name. Hoo boy. Also, he was the best thing in the second X Men movie. Why wasn't he in the third one? Finally, I remember hearing a while back that he was going to do some kind of new, gay version of Hart to Hart. Whatever happened to that? It's such an awesome idea!)

And then I read the onslaught of negative reviews, most of which were kind of affronted that anyone would dare mess with The Wizard of Oz. This critical outrage immediately made me want to see it. Now, it might or might not be any good--like I said, I haven't watched it yet--but I'm certainly not offended by the concept, and I found other people's offense kind of curious. I mean, it's only a movie, people. It's a great movie, sure, but it's not some sacred text that can never be messed with. Nobody gets outraged when someone does a modern adaptation of The Odyssey or a Shakespeare Play--nor should they. Those things are in the public domain, meaning that they belong to all of us now. And so is the Wizard of Oz. (The book, anyway--I guess the movie has a few more years, or maybe a lot more years. I still don't understand if anything can ever pass into the public domain under the Mickey Mouse Protection Act, or whatever they called the last copyright overhaul). It's lasted long enough that it's now deemed to be everybody's property, which means that anybody can mess with it, and they should, because interesting stuff comes of such messing around. (Like O Brother Where Art Thou, or She's The Man!)

I remember similar outrage greeting Return to Oz, a dark, weird, and really good movie that came out in the 80's. Seriously--it's really good. It's just nothing like the 1939 movie, which is fine. I don't remember any outrage about the Wizard of Oz stuff in Wild at Heart, but the Wizard of Oz parts were just weird and didn't really make any sense. I know, hard to believe in a David Lynch movie, but there you have it.

I'll make sure to write my thoughts on Tin Man after I actually watch it. Now that I've publicly defended it, watch me not even like it. Even still, I'm not bothered by the concept, which most of the critics I read were.

Just Hollywood Enough

When I was an earnest young man, or anyway, somewhat less of a cynical crank than I am now, I used to suffer through Spike Lee movies, figuring that I was in some way atoning for the sins of...well, not my personal ancestors, since they were piss-poor potato people in another country, but, you know, the sins of people who looked like me.

And then, eventually, I either got more comfortable in my whiteness or more confident in my critical abilities and I went, "Oh, shit! This guy's movies suck! I don't have to like them just because I'm a guilty white guy!" It was as though a great burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I believe this was some time after Girl 6. Making a movie about phone sex that's far more tedious than titillating takes some doing, but ol' Spike managed it.

But, I did keep my eyes out for those of his movies which are criticized for being "too Hollywood." Not surprisingly, these are the ones that are actually watchable: Malcolm X, Clockers, and now Inside Man, which I watched last night.

Yeah, it kind of fell apart at the end, but, overall, it was a really clever, taut thriller. Yes, there were some rather gaping plot holes, but you don't watch a movie like this hoping that the McGuffin makes complete sense. It didn't, and I didn't really care. One thing you can say about Spike Lee is that he does get good performances out of people, and Denzel Washington is great in this movie. He strikes a weird balance between Noble Denzel (too many movies to count) and Psycho Denzel (Training Day, maybe that new one.) Yes, he's a movie cliche-- the tenacious detective who never knows when to quit, but instead of it being out of a noble dedication to the truth, it's more because he's kind of a dick who doesn't like to lose. Overall, an enjoyable couple of hours at the movies, and for the most part Spike Lee got out of the way and seemed to be trying to entertain his guilty white fans instead of hectoring them.

I don't know if this is the screenplay or the direction, but I liked the way all the different ethnicities and cultures of New York were just part of the background of this movie. It wasn't a big deal to the plot, but it was just like, well, if this movie is taking place in New York, there are going to be all kinds of languages and cultures bumping into each other.

And only one annoying arty directorial touch that wrecks a key scene, which is a huge improvement over Spike's usual work. At a key stressful moment, Denzel goes running up to the bank under siege, except he doesn't run. I guess he rides the camera dolly, but it kind of looked like he got really mad and mounted his Segway to scoot up to the bank doors. It looked incredibly silly and totally took me out of the movie, but, like I said, knowing it's a Spike Lee movie, I was stoked that it only happened once.