Girl in a Cage

We're gonna Zoom

We watched Zoom! with the kids this weekend. Not the fabulous PBS kids show, but, rather, the somewhat less than fabulous movie from last year.

This was a ragtag-band-of-misfits movie, in which Tim Allen plays a washed-up superhero who has to train a group of kid superheroes to, uh, fight his evil brother who's been trapped in another dimension for thirty years. Or something like that.

We all actually enjoyed it, despite a couple of big flaws. The first flaw was this--I think a ragtag band of misfits movie should have a little more emphasis on the ragtag band of misfits and less on the washed-up coach/teacher/etc who finds redemption. In this, the characters of the kids are drawn very hastily and incompletely, and they all take a back seat to flaw #2: Tim Allen. Now, I don't hate Tim Allen's work, but he's just particularly ill-suited to this role. He normally plays a regular guy whom most people find likable. But this character delivers line after line that just callls for a different type of actor. The kind of actor who conveys this: "My insouciance and irreverance are clearly a mask for my deep pain but are nevertheless charming!" Tim Allen just didn't fit the bill.

The perfect solution occurred to me--they should have given Tim Allen the role of the NASCAR-drivin' dad in Herbie, Fully Loaded and given Michael Keaton the role of the washed up superhero in Zoom. Bill Murray might have worked too, but he seems to have gone entirely into the "comedy without laughs" genre these days.

Anyway, we all watched together,and it was pretty painless for the adults. But it could have been so much better. Courteney Cox, Rip Torn, and Chevy Chase (who looks awful! Just horrible!) make a great supporting cast, and Chevy Chase provides the movie's funniest moment in the outtakes that run behind the credits. Which I suppose isn't a very strong endorsement for the movie's humor value, but it was still pretty entertaining.

Lost in Translation

I recently finished Sergei Lukanyenko's Night Watch, which I guess was some kind of runaway bestseller in Russia. I'm always game for a good horror/fantasy novel (or, let's be honest, a cheesy one), so I picked it up. It wasn't bad, but I have a hard time understanding why it would be a bestseller. I mean, it's got some interesting ideas, but it's not an especially compelling read, especially since it's comprised of three stories, each of which find the same guy finding out that he's only a pawn in their game. The stories do build on each other somewhat, but the basic idea you get at the end of the first story--wow, the forces of good certainly do a lot of damage pursuing their ostensibly good aims!--is pretty much what you get out of the third one too. Maybe the whole idea of working for a semi-corrupt bureaucracy that works at levels you can't understand and may not be as good as it claims to be resonates more in Russia or something. (Although the idea of a prolonged conflict ostensibly betweeen good and evil which is fundamentally unwinnable and which causes the forces who call themselves good to do some pretty shady things should certainly resonate here, but probably won't.)

I also came across Dark Water, which is a remake of a Japanese movie and so also sort of a work in translation when flipping through channels the other night. This, on the other hand, I found really compelling--so compelling I couldn't stop watching it. The cast was awesome--Jennifer Connolly, Pete Postlethwaite, John Reilly, and Tim Roth probably could have sold a pretty weak movie, but the whole thing was very artfully done and the director did a fantastic job of creating this sense of dread. Yes, there was a lot of dripping and flowing water, which is not all that creepy in and of itself, but I just got the sense that the water in the apartment building just symbolized how wrong everything was--in her life, in the apartment building, etc. So it was compelling, and well-written and well-acted--so why did it leave me kind of cold at the end? I felt similar after seeing Dead Ringers and In Dreams--both very well-made movies with amazing performances that did a great job of creating a sense of menace and dread and in the end seemed kind of pointless. Dark Water was not as relentlessly unpleasant as either of those movies, but in the end, I just felt kind of unsatisfied. Maybe it was because the plot probably could have fit into a half-hour Twilight Zone episode, and the rest was all atmospherics. Or maybe it was--here comes the spoiler!--I can take a downbeat ending in a half-hour episode, or in a cheesy horror movie where I don't really believe in or care about the characters, but if I spend two hours of my life with--"she is surrounded by horrible dread and then she dies," well, eh. There just doesn't seem to be a whole lot of narrative movement in that plot line. "Somebody senses something that turns out to be exactly what they thought it was" just doesn't pack a lot of thrills. Maybe that was part of what I hated about House of 1000 Corpses, too--"there's this bunch of deranged killers, and they kill some people" isn't much of a storyline. (And can't compare to the skillful exploration of the descent into madness that is Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.)

Meet The Corpses

I took Daughter #1 to see Meet The Robinsons this week. I had low expectations. I knew it had gotten mostly bad reviews, and I had been fed the official media line--the Mouse Can't Make a Decent Movie Without Pixar Anymore--and pretty much bought it. But, it was vacation week, it was in 3D, and I figured what the hell. And maybe this is just because my expectations were so low, but I loved this movie. It was refreshingly un-formulaic. There was no wisecracking talking animal sidekick, and the mom was absent but not actually dead, it had a beautiful love-makes-a-family message, and the cast of wacky characters actually seemed like wacky characters someone took the trouble to think up rather than just wacky types they ripped off from a thousand other movies. Essentially this was a sweet science fiction movie for kids (albeit with a couple of disturbing Terminator-style glimpses of a potential robotic-hat future that would probably be frightening to little kids). I really can't understand what exactly people didn't like about it. If you want to see a kid's movie that is actually a real movie (and is in 3d to boot), this is a good choice.

I should say that all three of my kids wound up seeing this movie this week, and none liked it as much as I did and all were kind of befuddled as to why I liked it so much. So there's that.

Speaking of movies, I wish there were a critic I could trust on the subject of horror movies. Because they basically pan every horror movie, you can't believe them when they say, "oh, this movie is a piece of crap." Because, you know, they probably said the same thing about Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 or Dead Alive or any other gorefest I enjoyed. (Sean of the Dead and 28 Days Later, which are also good movies, apparenly got a Special British Dispensation and got generally good reviews, but for most blood-soaked cheese, they just aren't trustworthy).

So this is how I came to record House of 1000 Corpses off the IFC the other night. And while Rob Zombie is a better moviemaker than musician, that really isn't saying much. In fact, all it is saying is that I didn't run to the television screaming to turn off his movie product after 10 seconds the way I run screaming to the radio to turn off any of his music that comes on. Wow, did this movie blow. There are some interesting images, but pretty much everything that doesn't suck about it is stolen from Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, which is a vastly superior movie in every respect. And what was with all the "negative images like they used to have at the beginning of Tales From the Darkside" stuff? Dumb, pointless, showoffy moviemaker tricks, just like Spike Lee squishing the picture in Crooklyn. (I know I've mentioned it twice in 2 days, but just as Brett Favre set the standard for acting futility, I feel like that sequence in Crooklyn set the bar for pointless directorial masturbation). I am willing to accept a certain amount of confusion in a horror movie, but this was just over-the-top incomprehensible, but not quite incomprehensible enough to be like Eraserhead, which I also hated but which I at least understood was trying to be incoherent and incomprehensible.

Having said all this, if he were to actually make Werewolf Women of the SS, with Nicholas Cage as Fu Manchu, I would be all over it.

Rodriguez Rocks, Tarantino Tanks

It was our first sunny afternoon all week here in the Hub O' the Universe, so I did what any sane person would do--I went to the movies!

Because, having read about how Grindhouse is a terrible commercial failure, I knew it would probably be gone soon, and I really wanted to see it in its original form with both movies and all the trailers and such.

The movie starts auspiciously--with a trailer for a mythical movie called Machete! that I would totally go see tomorrow if it were real. And then we go into Planet Terror, which is everything you want a zombie movie with a woman sporting a machine gun leg to be. Blood, laffs, and a whole lot of severed testicles.Which is to say it rocked my socks off. And then we get some more trailers which were not as good as the Machete! trailer but still pretty funny and fun. (Ego alert--while the Machete! and Don't! trailers are anonymous, the trailers for Thanksgiving and Werewolf Women of the SS are credited to Eli Roth and Rob Zombie respectively. Like we care!)

And then, sadly, the whole ship founders on the rocks of Tarantino's Death Proof. I mean, I get that the whole project is kind of a goof, but Rodriguez actually made a movie, and Tarantino made two scenes and a bunch of crap. The movie opens strongly, with lots of banter between these three female friends, but then after an overlong buildup, Kurt Russell kills them all in graphic fashion. And then we meet another group of far less interesting friends, headed by real life stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who is obviously a remarkable stuntwoman but turns in a Brett Favre-esque performance as an actor. (I think of Favre's failure to play himself convincingly in There's Something About Mary as a kind of benchmark of acting ineptitude). Long, long, dull movie-killing dialogue in a diner, and then a long, tedious bit about how Zoe wants to drive a Dodge Challenger. Ho freaking hum. At this point, I had been in the theater for about two and a half hours, and I was tempted to follow the lead of the two guys in front of me and just walk out. Because I had already seen a kick ass zombie movie and some funny trailers, and Death Proof had gotten so bad that it was clear that no ending was going to redeem it. And so it didn't. A really cool stunt chase follows, and then the gals take revenge on Kurt Russell, and may I add, ho-hum.

I think Tarantino may be suffering from an advanced case of Spike Lee Disease: make a decent movie and start believing you're a genius. And because you're a genius, you start cranking out crap like Girl 6, or you make the picture all squishy in Crooklyn and nobody says to you, "Aaagh! This sucks!" or, if they do, you don't believe them, because you're a genius.

So, I don't know if anybody else said this to you, but Quentin, Death Proof blooooooooowwwwws! You have actually succeeded in making a boring action movie! Nobody else is as thrilled with your long stretches of dialogue as you are! I didn't need five freaking minutes on the significance of the Dodge Challenger! You've got Kurt Russel lurking in the background of that scene and still couldn't sustain any menace or suspense. It's like the things that were always annoying about your work have gotten more annoying, and you're not good at the stuff you used to be good at anymore. Remember Four Rooms? Man, you killed me with the suspense in your segment! Now it's like you're so thrilled with your pop culture references that you forgot to put them in a halfway decent movie.

I have read that people think the movie is tanking because it's three hours long. Yeah, that's why those Lord of the Rings movies tanked too. Oh wait, no, those were huge hits. My theory is that enough people went on the first night and told people that only the first half of the movie is worth seeing to kill word of mouth. Now apparently Tarantino is recutting Death Proof so he can release a longer version on its own. Oh, Quentin. No. The problem is not that Death Proof is too short. The problem is that at an hour and twenty minutes, it already feels way too long.

Still, for all that, you'll probably never get another chance to see this whole Grindhouse thing in this form again, so I'm glad I went. Actually Planet Terror was worth the price of admission on its own

Greatest VH1 Audition of the 00's

I realized that my Greatest 100 Songs of the 80's (see below!) might go down a little easier with some Michael Ian Black-style commentary. Plus, if anybody from VH1 reads this, maybe they would hire me to write the inane jokes! Or even deliver them on camera! Could happen!

"I always liked the idea of Minor Threat. A bunch of guys who were obviously not getting invited to keggers or getting any play get together and say,'oh yeah? We don't want to go to keggers or get laid, okay? It's called Straight Edge!"

"Now Greg Norton's Mustache is the style known as a 'Husker Don't'"

"Of course now you can't have a tv party and watch Hill Street Blues; now you can stay home and watch the Henry Rollins show." (look at camera kind of quizzically).

"Six years makes a huge difference, huh? 1983, Bob Mould wants to take a chartered trip--six years later he says he wants to stay home and make peanut butter sandwiches and cry!"

"Lou Reed and Dion go together like Mustard and Hot Fudge!" (Delivered with mock enthusiasm, followed by quizzical look at the camera.)

"I know why they called him Captain Sensible--he left the band before they started to suck!"

"Where is Frank Black's mind? It looks like maybe it wandered down to Baskin Robbins and took his body with it!"

"I love Hitsville UK because it's the only song I know of that features vocals by a member of the original cast of Night Court." (True! Cue Night Court theme & video of Ellen Foley!) "Well, except I'm pretty sure Bull had a cameo verse on one Wu Tang album."

"Few people know this about the Cure, but, you know, the disease was Male Pattern Eyeliner Deficiency. MPED."

That's all I got for now, VH1, but by God, for a fat paycheck, I'll write crap like this all day and all night! Call me!

100 Greatest Songs of the 80's

It's strangely easy to get sucked in by the crap they run on VH1 (Slogan: "All Day, All Night, All Michael Ian Black!") (Aside--I mean, I liked Stella and all, but, really, why is Michael Ian Black on VH1 all the time? I'm thinking he must have pictures of somebody at Viacom or something.)

This is how I found myself watching I Love The '80's, part 72--The Stuff Nobody Really Remembers!. Wasted an entire hour of my life letting waves of excrement from the television just wash over me.

But, strangely, I was able to resist 100 Greatest Songs of the '80s. I watched about ten minutes of it and thought to myself, "You know, I could watch all eight hours of this, and they're probably never going to get to "Chartered Trips". (Here's their top 20. The rest of the list is lurking in different corners of their craptastic website, but I was too lazy to hunt them all down and link to them.)

And then I thought, well, rather than sitting there railing against the stupidity of whoever put their list together, I'll put my own stupid list together. So here it is, and yeah, if I did it tomorrow it would be different, and yeah, I left your favorite band out because they're not as good as you think they are. Or else I just forgot.

Anyway, enjoy--100 greatest songs of the 80's from someone who was there. They're listed alphabetically by title because I couldn't be bothered to decide which ones I liked better than others. You can feel free to imagine what Michael Ian Black would say about each one, or add your own comments telling me how stupid my list is below. I hope you'll disagree with some of my choices, because what fun is it if you don't, but I hope you'll agree that my list sucks less than VH1's does.

Alex Chilton--The Replacements
Ana Ng--They Might Be Giants
A New England--Billy Bragg
Annie Get Your Gun--Squeeze
Another Nail in My Heart--Squeeze
Answering Machine--The Replacements
Ask--The Smiths
Bad Reputation--Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Bermuda--Roky Erikson
Bizarre Love Triangle--New Order
Bonzo Goes to Bitburg--The Ramones
Books about UFOs--Husker Du
Bottle of Smoke--The Pogues
Can I Kick It?--A Tribe Called Quest
Can’t Stop the World--The Go-Gos
Celebrated Summer--Husker Du
Chartered Trips--Husker Du
Clampdown--The Clash
Corona--The Minutemen
Daytime Dilemma--The Ramones
Death or Glory--The Clash
Debaser--The Pixies
Devil House--Shonen Knife
Dirty Blvd.--Lou Reed
Don’t Let’s Start--They Might Be Giants
Dozen Girls--The Damned
Every Day I Write the Book--Elvis Costello
Fall on Me--REM
Filler--Minor Threat
Fisherman’s Blues--The Waterboys
Freedom--Wham!
Girlfriend in a Coma--The Smiths
Head over Heels--The Go-Go's
History Lesson, Part 2--The Minutemen
Hit or Miss--The Damned
Hot Dogs & Hamburgers--John Mellencamp
Howlin’ At The Moon--The Ramones
How Soon is Now?--The Smiths
I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man--Prince
I Felt Like a Gringo--The Minutemen
If I should Fall From Grace With God--The Pogues
I Got Loaded--Los Lobos
I Left My Wallet in El Segundo--A Tribe Called Quest
I Love You Suzanne--Lou Reed
It’s The End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)--REM
I Will Dare--The Replacements
Joan Crawford--Blue Oyster Cult
Johnny Come Lately--Steve Earle
Just a Friend--Biz Markie
Just Like Heaven--The Cure
Kiss--Prince
Last of the Famous International Playboys--Morrisey
Levi Stubbs’ Tears--Billy Bragg
Like A Prayer--Madonna
Long Gone Dead--Rank & File
Makes No Sense at All--Husker Du
Making Plans for Bison--Shonen Knife
Me Myself and I--De La Soul
More than One Heaven--The Swimming Pool Q's
Night of the Long Knives--AC/DC
Once In a Lifetime--Talking Heads
Pink Turns to Blue--Husker Du
Pulling Mussels(From the Shell)--Squeeze
Punk Rock Girl--The Dead Milkmen
Purple Rain--Prince
Quickie--George Clinton
Radio Free Europe--REM
Raspberry Beret--Prince
Rock Box--Run-DMC
Rockville--REM
Russian Roulette--Lords of the New Church
Save It For Later--The English Beat
Somebody Got Murdered--The Clash
Sometimes--Midnight Oil
Starfish and Coffee--Prince
Sun City--Artists United Against Apartheid
Take the Skinheads Bowling--Camper Van Beethoven
The Bells Ring--The Swimming Pool Q's
The Call Up--The Clash
The Dead Heart--Midnight Oil
The Have Nots--X
The KKK Took My Baby Away--The Ramones
The New World--X
The River--Bruce Springsteen
The Saturday Boy--Billy Bragg
There is a Light That Never Goes Out--The Smiths
This Aint No Picnic--The Minutemen
This Must Be the Place--Talking Heads
Tread Water--De La Soul
Turn to you--The Go-Go's
TV Party--Black Flag
Veronica--Elvis Costello
Wave of Mutilation--The Pixies
We’re the Replacements--They Might Be Giants
When Doves Cry--Prince
Where is My Mind--The Pixies
World Leader Pretend--REM
You Be Illin'--Run-DMC
You Dropped a Bomb on Me--The Gap Band
You Shook Me All Night Long--AC/DC

Quail Before The Power of My Blog!

Only a day after my tongue-in-cheek suggestion that CBS Radio use a cranky old racist relative of mine to replace the cranky old racist they suspended, they fired Imus! Clearly they are reading my blog and were shown the error of their ways by my brilliant sarcasm. And the withdrawal of Imus's sponsors had nothing to do with it. It's all Halpin, cleanin' up the airwaves!

Similarly, not long after I said that the new Stooges album would make mall punkers like Good Charlotte realize they should give it up and go get real estate licenses, I read that Fall Out Boy (I think they're not mall punkers, but since I don't have time to follow music closely enough to keep track of all the subgenres, I just put Fall Out Boy and Good Charlotte and a bunch of other bands in the "Bands That Suck" category and call it done) is postponing their tour. Perhaps there is a real estate licensing exam where they live, and they don't want to miss it.

I know, I know, the awesome power of my blog hasn't been enough to get the butts into seats for Grindhouse, but remember, all I said was that there are two kinds of people in the world--the kind who see a preview where a woman has a machine-gun prosthetic leg and go,"Cool!" and the kind who see it and go,"Change the channel." It just appears that the former group is actually pretty small. Oh well.

Keep reading--you never know where my Mjolnir of Popular Culture is going to come down next!

Open Letter to CBS Radio

Dear CBS Radio:

I know you'll probably be looking for a replacement while Imus is off the air. I personally have never understood the appeal of listening to a grumpy old man in the morning. I figure if I want that, I can call a certain relative of mine. This got me thinking that [NAME AND RELATIONSHIP OF ACTUAL BLOOD RELATIVE REDACTED] might be a great fill-in while Imus is on his nudge-nudge, wink-wink "suspension." Sure,my relative is not a well-known radio personality, but he is a tiresome old racist who likes to rant about how people who are not straight and white are ruining America. When last I heard him, "fags" and "wetbacks" were his targets, but he doesn't much care for Jews or African-Americans either. I think he also talks about how Hillary Clinton is an evil lesbian, and of course, since 9/11, he's hated the "towelheads" too.

Now I understand that the purpose of talk radio is to make people comfortable with their prejudices. Did you ever see Dodgeball? In it, the Ben Stiller character, whose name is White Goodman, makes a joke and then says, with a smarmy smile, "Just kiddin'! But not really!" I know this is the whole point of racist jokes on talk radio--so folks can have a chuckle about the fact that some people are not like them and are, therefore funny, and let's face it, inferior and wrong. Get it? Sure, the old crank on the radio just made a racist joke. But he's just kidding! But not really! Haw haw!

Now, if people heard the kind of hateful tirades that [NAME AND RELATIONSHIP OF ACTUAL BLOOD RELATIVE REDACTED] launches into, they might, instead of settling into their prejudices like a comfy chair, instead go, "hmmm...I see that getting comfortable with my prejudices leads to some rather ugly, hateful ideas! I'm a good guy, mostly. I don't hate people. It just makes me uncomfortable when people speak other languages, or when black people act, you know, black, or when gays act like they're gay and stuff! But perhaps I should open my tiny mind a little bit!"

What a way to atone for this Imus debacle! I figure two weeks of [NAME, BLAH BLAH] on national morning radio ought to really promote some understanding and healing in this country! And, if not, well, Imus will be back hawking his brother's salsa and his own brand of just-kidding racism in just a couple of weeks.

Thank you for your attention, and I look forward to hearing from you!

Ambitious Failures

Most movies are unambitious failures. I guess of the movies I've seen within the last year or so, Nacho Libre is probably the best example. That movie that sets out to make you laugh with Jack Black in tights and mostly fails to do so.

There are a bare handful of ambitious successes, and this leaves the unambitious successes and the ambitious failures. Usually I prefer the unambitous successes--movies like Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, or Dodgeball that set out to make you laugh at something stupid and succeed riotously. This must actually be hard to do because it happens so rarely.

And then there are the ambitous failures. Usually I hate these, because their ambition is to achieve something I'm not interested in. Take, say, Ghost World. No, actually that's a bad idea, because I have no idea what that movie was trying to do. Okay, take, for example, the films of Wes Anderson (there! I said it! Ooo, hipster heresy!) (Not that I'm a hipster. Wonder if I actually can commit hipster heresy, then. Interesting.) He always seems to be trying to make more than "just" a comedy, and so you get these shapeless, unfunny, dull movies. Yes they are!

All of which brings me to I Heart Huckabees, which I just saw for the first time and really enjoyed despite the fact that it's a mess. (And to prove how un-hip I am, I didn't even know about how the behind-the-scenes screamfests had been released on the internets until after I saw the movie. Maybe I watched too much Dirt, but my theory is that David O. Russell released the videos himself. People are certainly talking about him again...). I mean, what are the Naomi Watts and Mark Wahlberg characters doing in this movie anyway? Nobody seems to have any idea, nor did their makeout at the site of the fire make any sense. As soon as Isabelle Huppert arrived on the scene, I knew we were in for "thesis, antithesis, synthesis," and so in that way it was pretty predictable despite being weird. And Jude Law's American accent kind of came and went--in some scenes he sounds kind of like Tony Curtis imitating Cary Grant in Some Like it Hot.

And yet, for all that, I appreciated the fact that the movie was aiming to be something different--a lighthearted philosophical comedy. The only other entry in that genre that I can think of was The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which sucked out loud despite the fantastic cast. In fact, that movie sucked so bad it made me wonder if the books and radio shows I had worshipped as a 7th grader were actually not that funny to begin with. I haven't been curious enough to re-read them, but I do wonder if it was a bad adaptation of a good book, or a faithful adaptation of a bad book.

Anyway, I enjoyed I Heart Huckabees, and Lily Tomlin's Meltdown and David Russell's Meltdown were like really entertaining extras. They really should re-release the DVD with those added on as bonus features.

Because well just because

I am getting really confused about what makes me like or dislike something. If I dislike something, I can point to several reasons why I dislike it, but then I turn around and find something I like that displays the same qualities.

Here's what I'm thinking about now. When the kids make us listen to Jam'n 94.5, Boston's Official Home of Blazin' Hip Hop and R&B (There's another station that's the official home of smoulderin' hip hop and R&B, but they don't like that one), I'm quick to point out a moronic line, like this from "Poppin'": "We gonna do somethin'/Somethin' that's gonna get done." Every time I hear that, I'm offended by the stupidity of it. I mean, if it was somethin' that wasn't gonna get done, you couldn't very well do it, now could you? Aagh. I also hate how many of these mainstream rap songs just contain the weakest, most unimaginative rhymes--all one syllable, said/head/dead kind of stuff, nothing at all interesting or surprising. I mean, if your freakin' job is rhyming, could you at least be a little bit good at it?

But then let Biz Markie come on the old school rap channel on Sirius, and I am pumpin' up the volume and warbling along with the Biz: "Youuuuu...got what I neeeeeheeeeed.." The guy has this mushmouth, barely-comprehensible flow, his rhymes are crap ("I went to the booth to aks where was her dorm/They made me fill out a vistor's form") , and he can't sing at all. And I love that song. Love it with a love that is pure and unashamed.

And I also love Mickey Avalon's "Jane Fonda", which is cretinous. And it doesn't always rhyme: "She was slammin' and her ass was jammin'/like Janet Jackson in Rhythm Nation." Jammin' and Nation--not even close! Then there's this: "She was a hurdy-gurdy dirty little girly/I heard from a birdy she could cook a mean turkey/with gravy. Baby baby baby." Idiocy! The guy is putting together a three-and a-half minute song about girls with big butts, and he resorts to this kind of filler. I mean, if you can't put together three and a half coherently horny minutes, what the hell are you doing calling yourself a musician? And yet, it's irresistable! I listen to it all the time! And bob my head! What's wrong with me?