Whilst at my high school reunion, I talked with a few people about which of our former teachers were appalling pervs who slept with their students. We all agreed that such people were sick and twisted and deserved public humiliation and/or beatings.
And then I heard "My Sharona" on the radio yesterday, and at first I was thinking, "Hey, man, this song kinda rocks!" and then I was like, "Hey, this was a number one single celebrating the very behavior I was condemning so roundly not so very long ago!"
Which led me to wonder why we put up with and even rock out to really horrible sentiments. I think that's something to ponder at greater length later, but first, here's a roundup of the pervy underage songs I could think of.
"My Sharona"--The Knack.
Most appalling moment: "I Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind."
Best moment: da-nana-NANA-nuh-NA-nuhnuh-NA-nuhnuhnuh-NANA-nuh-NAH
The verdict: Catchy riff, pedophile lyrics. In this case, I believe Justice was served--they got a number one single for their boss riff and a quick but merciless career death.
"Hot Blooded"--Foreigner
Most appalling moment: "Are you old enough? Will you be ready when I call your bluff?"
Best moment: "Before we do, we gotta get away from you-know-who?" No, Lou, I don't know who! Is that like your wife? Or the groupie's mom? Still, the only line in the song with a hint of ambiguity.
The verdict: Awful, but still better than "I Wanna Know What Love Is"
"Jailbait"--Motorhead
Most appalling moment: Lemmy introduces the guitar solo with a cry of, "love that young stuff!"
Best moment: see above.
The verdict: Well, are you gonna tell Lemmy he's wrong? Be my guest!
"Christine Sixteen"--Kiss
Most appalling moment: "When I saw you comin' outta school that day I knew, I've got to have ya, I've got to have ya!"
Best moment: Chorus is catchy as all get out.
The Verdict: You were expecting good taste from Kiss?
"Young Girl"--Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
Most appalling moment: "Young girl, get outta my mind, my love for you is way outta line, better run girl...you're much too young girl...."
Best moment: None that I can think of
The verdict: despite the fact that the protagonist expresses some kind of remorse for his pedophilia, this one is the worst of the bunch. For one thing, the remorse seems smarmy and insincere, and for another, this may be the lamest artist of all time.
