So we got a dog recently. His name is Cooper. Since I work at home, I hang out with him a lot. And I realized that I call him a really weird variety of names.
Coop. (the old standby.)
Coop-a-Doop (somewhat more affectionate.)
You moron. (When he tried to leap in front of a moving car)
Coopenstein. (No idea, but I think it relates to the time that Burch Baskett called Chris Charleville "Friendly Chuckenstein" in the 8th grade. He called me "Brand Name.")
Herr Koopenheimer
Herr Koopenmeier (both to be delivered in bad German accent.)
Die Koopenheimer. (I guess sometimes he needs a definite article rather than an honorific.)
Tha Coopsta. (His hip-hop name. He's reppin' parkside, bitches.)
Sir Crappington
C. Crappington Hound
Crappington. All of these I deliver in a bad English accent, as though Cooper and I are florid, white-mustachioed, wealthy fat guys sitting in overstuffed armchairs in our gentlemen's club, perhaps reading the Financial Times and digesting the nice bit of beef with mustard we've just had. As we consider, perhaps, whether Fogg really will make it around the world in 80 days, I turn to him and say something like, "Well, Crappington, what news, eh?" He, in his turn, howls, which means, "I say, old man, I do believe the UPS man is opening the door of his vehicle down the block!"
Perhaps I need to get out more.
